I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
