oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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