It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I touched a dick in church today
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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