I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
