escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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