I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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