Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
