In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
