I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
