These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can I color on your dick again?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
