i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
