D3 body, D1 cock
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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