Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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