Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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