It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
