Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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