4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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