I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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