Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
