you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
