Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
