I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
