hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this boner is exhausting
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
