I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
