There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
