There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
