The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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