i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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