I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
