At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
