This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
