After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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