Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Congratulations! We have a period
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
