She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
