How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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