I need help removing her.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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