I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
