i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
