someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
