your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
