i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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