Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
