Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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