I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
