Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
