He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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