I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
