he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
