just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
