I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
