how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
