Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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