tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone came in the potted fern
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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