Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
