so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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