So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
