Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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