i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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