even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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