How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
