i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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